D!3 and the bugged sigil (A play)

[xXx Kid_Rock xXx]

YEAR 2001 - Ancient Sosaria


[glow=red,2,300]The evil powers of Minax dominate the land, and all other factions are scattered throughout sosaria, wandering witlessly in the wilderness.[/glow]


Cast :-
-Kid Rock (the hero)
-Mephiston, Chandarian, Roland Ridgeback, Lunitz (the hero's trusty companions)
-Elric, Darkman, Steve Brown, Klan, Sly Rubies, Alice McField (the rivals)
-GM Darkness (the villain)
-ActualFantasy (the fool)
-X Lord X + Light (the king and queen)

Act 1, Scene 1
D13 town, in a forest east of yew, inside Kid Rock's tower
-Kid Rock
-Mephiston
-Roland Ridgeback

Narrator : 'Our heros are bored; lack of challange has left them to their own wicked ways for too long, and now they seek a new thrill. Battleing the very forces which so strictly govern the world seems to be the only way in which our heros can f**k shit up '


Kid Rock - 'wtf r u 2 losers doing in my house, i'm just here to restock then i'm going to hunt dragons for scales'

Mephiston - 'Are you nothing, you wonderful lil' guy I'll praise for the rest of my daysed piece of Scottish shit. Chand and Lun have a plan they told me on irc, we've to wait here'

Kid Rock - 'wtf?'

Roland - 'we're stealing a sigil, PERMA, and we're keeping it in your shitty tower coz let's face it - who the f**k would want to look for it here?'

Kid Rock - 'No way u losers, I always get in trouble with that wanker GM Darkness because of the stupid shit you two and the wonderful lil' guy I'll praise for the rest of my daysed swedes do. Not this time tho, no f**kin way'

Mephiston - 'Is NPNPNP, we've got PKs unassisted macroing in chand's tower next door - they GM's will look there and miss what's under their nose! the dumb f**ks!'

Roland - 'Yeah, haggis muncher Ahh, anyway no time to discuss this in a commitee, here's chand and lun - and they're chasing AF!'

Kid - 'But....'

Enter ActualFantasy, closely followed by Chandarian and Lunitz

ActualFantasy - 'Oh poo poo! My stupid ethy is out of stamina!'

Chandarian + Lunitz - 'Vas ort Flam''Kal Vas Flam'

ActualFantasy - 'Ooo OoOO OoOoOO'

Chandarian - 'haha loser, that'll teach you for being in a shitty faction with no towns.'

Lunitz - 'I laik Is the sigil on his corpse?'

Chandarian - 'rofl perfect. now the GMs will think it was the Honourable Clown that griefed factions'

All - 'hohohohoho. rofl'

Chandarian - 'Ok Kid, come over here and pick up this sigil'

Kid Rock - 'but then the GMs will think it was me that griefed factions!'

All - 'hohohohoho. rofl'

Kid Rock - (mutters)' Grr, it's always the f**kin same'

*Kid Rock picks up the sigil*

Mephiston - 'quick, put it in your house then we gate into brit, minax are raiding there. All the n00bs in minax will be our allabys coz they think it's so r33+ to be seen with us'

Lunitz - 'Vas rel Por'

Exit all

Act 1, Scene 2
The City of Britain, during a raid of TB's paralysing home defence troops
-Kid Rock
-Chandarian
-Lunitz
-Steve Brown
-GM Darkness
-Assorted Minax and TB footsoldiers


Chandarian - 'wtf did meph and rollie go?'

Kid - 'meph's logged to eat a fry up, and rollie's gone out IRL to a gay club'

Lunitz - 'f*gs'

Chandarian - 'enough talk. Blend in now, and we'll never be caught by the GMS, they'll have no idea we're here....'

*commence l33t townfighting*

Narrator - 'Little do our heros know, but the eternally rigid Commanding Lord of the True Brittanians, has already placed a help request to the GMs regarding 1 missing Britain Sigil....'

Enter GM Darkness with Steve Brown

*our heros cast a plethora of offensive spells onto Steve Brown's all too orange health bar, but alas, no damage is done*

GM Darkness - 'D13 f*gs! Surrender the Sigil or face my wrath!

Lunitz - 'fu'

GM Darkness -'I shall deal with you later Lunitz, however i realise this foul plot could only have been dreamed up by an evil genius. An Evil genius like YOU CHANDARIAN!

Chandarian - 'wtf? How can it be evil if it's all in good fun? And anyway, it was kid '

Kid - 'WTF!'

GM Darkness - 'SILENCE! All 3 of you will accompany me to *drum roll* - TRAMMEL!


Act 1, Scene 3
A jail cell. Trammel
-GM Darkness
-Kid Rock
-Chandarian
-Lunitz
-Roland
-ActualFantasy


Narrator - 'GM Darkness believes himself to be the greatest detective who has ever graced the world of sosaria, and so presumes he shall have the sigil back within seconds'

GM Darkness - 'I'm gonna tell you punks straight. I'm sick of all this griefing bullshit, it's about time you started behaving in exactly the way WE want you to, and stopping all this independant thought.
There's going to be no '72 hour bans' for you jerkoffs this time, no more warnings!

Chandarian - 'fu. We did nothing wrong, and even if we did, hoho, you couldn't prove it coz there was NO witnesses!'

enter AF and Roland

Actual Fantasy - 'I seen the whole thing Mr GM Darkness sir! I would be oh so happy to tell you Exactly what these lamers did! What is Roland doing here?'

GM Darkness - 'As a matter of pure coincidence, i have just placed Roland under arrest for making use of the word 'black personkiller' in-game. In fact, he repeated it 728 times starting precisely 10 seconds after I arrested the other 3. Pure coincidence'

Roland - 'HAHAHA SUCKERS! What with your 'party system' and your message crystals; you wonderful lil' guy I'll praise for the rest of my daysED GMs have forgotten we had the power of ICQ!'

*AF and GM Darkness are stunned*

Roland - 'Chand ICQd me and told me to come up with a plan, and you Darkness fell for it like the dickwad you are. Loser. Only a total jerkoff would have thought it was COINCIDENCE i typed all those profanitys in haven!
Now AF, i'd think twice about spilling the beans if I were you, otherwise the whole of UOwar will be told the REAL TRUTH about you and ELRIC! mwahaha!'

AF - 'You wouldn't dare?'

Roland - 'I f**king would you arsehole. Try me.'

GM Darkness - 'Right. ENOUGH OF THIS N00b CRAP. AF you are a whining little jerkoff, and i'm sick of the sight of you. Besides, limited server technology only allows me 5 people in my dungeon, and i need space for that cock mephiston. Begone ball licker!

Exit AF. Enter Mephiston

Mephiston - 'WTF, I was about to put the last hit on a 15 POINTER! Why the hell am I here? i didn't do nuthing'

GM Darkness - 'I have devised a method to get you lamers to talk, and i need all 5 of you here for it. HAHAHAHA, I shall find that sigil, and the proof to perma ban all you f**ks this time!

GM Darkness clicks his fingers and there's a blinding flash of light. As their vision returns, our heros find themselves feeling slightly dizzy, and more than a little confused.
Exit Kid Rock, Chandarian, Mephiston, Lunitz, Roland.
Enter Steve, Nima, James, Lars, Jamie.


James - 'WTF, this is RL!'

Steve - 'haha, you're fat as f**k james!'

James - 'fu scottish TARD. I'm dietting '

Nima - 'ah ffs, stop acting like cocks'

James - 'he f**king started it'

Lars - 'i don't care, half as much as i care about the IRL DRAGON that's in this jail cell with us!'

All - 'FUUUUUUCKKK'

Voice of GM Darkness - 'OK f**ktards! Try to escape from this one without your instalog! MWahahshahahshshahshsah



[End of Act 1]

[Isaac]

ZzzzzzzzZzzzzz.........


made me smile 2 times

[Faramir]

I thought it was pretty fucking hilarious tbh but thats just me, i guess ud have to know the people a bit to find it amusing.

[Klan aka Raffles]

Nice 1st act Mr Rock

Let hope i have more of a 'SPEAKING' part in act 2

[Kira]

what happen to the king and queen ;D

[Aidris]

LOL.....nice one.....but u have WAY too much time on yr hands!

[SnakeEye]

ruled big time dude
keep em coming!

ow and let AF die a few times..

[Mephi]

HEHE gr8 play m8 gr8 play.

And fyi I`ve eaten nothing but soup all week, so fo

[Bowchickabowow]

can i buy AF t-shirts etc online?

[allis C*C]

lol made me rofl

[Mad_Eye]

Rofl.

that was some funny shit.

Write another Act on the capture of richter

[Mia_Loves_Rollie]

Meph said:

HEHE gr8 play m8 gr8 play.

And fyi I`ve eaten nothing but soup all week, so fo

well i dunno about you but when you get into bed i can feel your tits on me back meph, its not very nice so your staying on your soup u cunt

hehe nice one kid, now you have made up for having hair like colin hendry.

[MrBlacksmith]

Hehehe, nice kid...but i second aidris on her statement...you have waaayyy too much time on your hands....

[xXx Kid_Rock xXx]

Act 2, Scene 1
In an IRL GM's dungeon, complete with IRL dragon


James - 'I don't think it's noticed us.'

Lars - 'Hey! If this is IRL UO, has anybody tried casting spells?'

Nima - 'Lars, without me to look out for you, no doubt you would have ended up doing RP. Do any of us have any IRL regs?'

Lars - 'No.'

Nima - 'Then shut up.'

Steve - 'No! I have a better idea! Has anybody got a mobile phone with them?'

Nima and Jamie - 'Yes!'

Steve - 'DAMN! If only this story was set in 2003 well into the mobile revolution - we would have all had one! Ah well, NM, Nima, phone Jamie and keep the connection open'

Nima - 'wtf?'

Steve - 'Do it now noob or Jamie'll show u his boy boobs'

*The dragon goes from totally ignoring the helpless RL chars, to being 100% hellbent on their destruction, in the way only an OSI devised AI system can. Nima finally manages to get Jamie's number dialled, and there then follows an annoying interference sort of a sound*

James - 'Hey! That sound came from the dragon - the mobile phone signal is playing merry hell with OSI's outdated equipment!'

Steve - 'Aye, but it's not f**king enough is it, the damn dragon's still charging. Does anyone else have any electrical items?'

James - 'Erm....'

Jamie, Steve, Nima, Lars - 'Erm what?'

James - 'I do have this 12" black mambo'

Lars - 'rofl f*g'

James - 'It's a present for my mum! Erm, i mean GF!'

Nima - 'haha yes BUT TURN IT ON!'


*With a low pitch humming, the mambo springs into action. With this, the already confused dragon is utterly interfered with, and turns into a mongbat*


Steve - 'pwn3d tbh'

Jamie - 'Lucky meph's a commuter on the chocolate highway or we would have been f**ked! Isn't that right tons of fun?'

James - 'fu *peep*s, when we get back in game i'm gonna...'

Voice of GM Darkness - 'WTF. U jerkoffs have screwed up my new RL capture system with your unstable black mambo! This is going to be hell to fix.
Aaaaarrrrgggggghhhhh. I shall avenge myself D!3 retaaaarrdddsss...

*as the voice trails off into infinity, another blinding flash leaves our heroes back in game, in a rather tricky predicament*


Act 2, Scene 2
Inside The True Brittanian Castle's almost empty sigil room. 6pm GMT while TB defend the remaining 7 sigils
- Kid Rock
- Chandarian
- Mephiston
- Roland
- Lunitz
- Steve Brown
- AF

*enter AF and Steve Brown*

AF - 'Well, now we've got an amazing defence set up. No less than 30 TB soldiers in the courtyard, 10+ pets, more barrells and candles than I can count, and both of us are secure in this impenatrable sigil room ready to send faction messages and ICQs and organise those troops out front'

Steve Brown - 'Yes my apprentice, We are truly unassailable in this fortress. Now, i must go afk to tend to my flowing golden locks of hair, which I wash frequently with a 2 in 1.'

AF - 'I shall log on my Minax charactor which i use purely to kill box removers, and I shall go to see if any minax go grey so I can punish them for being criminals. Which of course is entirely different from notoing. Farewell'


*Enter the r33+ D!3 crew into the back of the sigil room*

Lunitz - 'haha check it out it's AF and Steve Brown, let's own them!'

Kid Rock - 'WAIT A Second! They're AFK! ! !'

All - 'LET'S OWN THEM!' Kal Vas Harm

Chandarian - 'Shit. The TB outside have noticed we're here, and we're stuck in this sigil room!'

Mephiston - 'SHIT, so we have to hope they don't get through all these candles in the 2 mins and 3 seconds it takes us to timeout from being grey'

Roland - 'Hey, or we could just NOT bother killing the horses, then we can recall almost straight away?'

All - 'ROFL. Corp Por'
(neigh)

Chandarian - 'So, basically. We are now stuck, 5 of us, in this sigil room, with 30 TBs surrounding us, and no way to recall out?'

Lunitz - 'Looks like it'

Chandarian - 'Does anyone have stealing?'

Narrator - 'And then, the inevitable happened '


Act 2 Scene 3
Outside TB castle, the ground littered with TB corpses and the occaisonal orange mount
- Kid Rock
- Mephiston
- Roland
- Chandarian
- Lunitz
- Klan
- Darkman
- X Lord X
- Light



Mephiston - 'I'm overloaded'

All - 'HAHAHAHAHA'

Mephiston - 'I meant IN GAME u f**ktards'

Kid Rock - 'Quick, let's check the healers before we go, you never know!'

*enter klan and darkman on 1hp*

Klan - 'Hi guys what's up?'

Chandarian - 'My score by the looks of you two newlys!'

Mephiston - 'NONONO, klan is a nice guy and doesn't deserve rezkilled!'

Lunitz - 'But he's with Darkman!'

Mephiston - 'Ok, point taken. Sorry Kla..............................................DAMN U KID, i think he was trying to speak!'

Klan and Darkman - 'Oooo oOoooO oOOoOOo OOo'

Kid Rock - 'Shit sorry man I didn't mean it. I mean FFS, the NOOBS died with only 1 fireball each, how was i meant to know my own power? hoho'

Lunitz - 'I laik'

*enter XLX and his cronie Light*

X Lord X - 'So chandarian, we meet again. I see you're still up to your old rezkilling tricks; D!3 still not learned to pvp?'

Light - 'Yeah, D13 still not learned to pvp?'

Chandarian - 'When you left factions Kid was a learner; now he is the master!'

X Lord X - 'Only an assmaster chand!'

Light - 'Yeah assmaster!'

Kid Rock - 'haha, duel me 2v1 NOOBIES. U R SO EEEZZEEE'

X Lord X - 'A 2 v 1 aye? Alrighty, let us go TO THE FARMS!'

Light - 'Yeah, to the farms!'

X Lord X - 'Shut up and gate Light'

Light - 'Sorry sire Vas Rel Por'

*Exit all*

[Kira]

omg.. ;D did u consider making to a movie ;D
it would be a best-saler